TED Talk English Club 2022: Vol 5 on 28 March & 4 April

Welcome to TED Talk English Club active each Monday from 31 Jan through 16 May:)

Please click the black box below for a SUMMARY of 4 April Meeting:)

Please click the black box below for a SUMMARY of 28 March Meeting:)

CLUB Meeting on 4 April 2022 = Meeting 2 of Vol 5

TOPIC of 4 April 2022: For and against being late

VIDEO (6.21 min, BBC 2022) for 4 April: click 'Why some people are always late'

WORDS for 4 April: click here (find automatic 'join quizlet' link here)

SCRIPT for 4 April: Please scroll down to read the SCRIPT keri allapoole, et lugeda siin lehel or to download the pdf või laadida alla pdf-fail

• 4 April Question 1 for discussion: What appears to be the 'idea worth spreading' here?
• 4 April Question 2 for discussion: Do you personally (sometimes) struggle with punctuality? 
• 4 April Question 3 for discussion: How do you relate to working to a deadline?
• 4 April Question 4 for discussion: What difference do the supersized words (in font 20) make? 

Time: 3 p.m. through 6 p.m. on 4 April NB! Please pick from: Gertrud 4 April 3-3.30/Toomas 4 April 3.30-4/ Heli 4 April 4-4.30/4.30-5/ 5-5.30/ Airi 4 April 5.30-6 p.m./ and submit by the form above.

Format: one-on-one for 30 minutes

Access 1: open to all of them who at some point--since 2012--have taken a course with Terje Keldoja😊

Fee: 8 eur for a 30-minute Meeting, incl Quizlet & Script & the SUMMARY (= follow-up based on the ideas of the participants--about the video/topic)

NB! Access 2: Everybody else is indeed welcome, too. However, the fee is a little less generous (12 eur per 30 minutes one-on-one ) for the 'newcomers'.

Participation: Choose between 28 March and 4 April or attend both.

Register: with terje.keldoja@gmail.com or submit the form above või täida ülal olev vorm

CLUB Meeting on 28 March 2022 = Meeting 1 of Vol 5

TOPIC of 28 March: Is there a downside to empathy?

VIDEO (7 min, BBC 2022) for 28 March: click 'The surprising dark side of empathy'

WORDS for 28 March video: click here (find automatic 'join quizlet' link here)

SCRIPT for 28 March: Please scroll down to read the SCRIPT keri allapoole, et lugeda siin lehel or to download the pdf või laadida alla pdf-fail.

• 28 March Question 1 for discussion: Which idea worth spreading does the video present? 
• 28 March Question 2 for discussion: What is compassion?
  
• 28 March Question 3 for discussion: Can you come up with some real world examples of the dark side of empathy (= empathic distress) ?
• 28 March Question 4 for discussion: How does the language of the video sound to you? 

Please click on the brownish box above to download the script 'Why some people are always late' for 4 April

SCRIPT for 4 April 'Why some people are always late'

00:00 Sorry.

00:05 OK, confession time. I'm someone with a slightly annoying tendency to be late. Well, slightly annoying for me, very annoying for everybody else. In fact, this video was supposed to come out in January. Yeah.

00:21 But I'm not alone in being punctually challenged. A 2014 YouGov survey found that one in five Americans are late to work at least once a week, and actually, [it's] us Millennians who seem to be the worst at it. So what is going on?

00:35 Are some of us just more hardwired to be late than others? This is something author Grace Pacie decided to look into. To try and understand her own struggle with punctuality.

00:43 In terms of personalities it's a bell curve. At one end of the scale, there are people I call 'timekeepers', who are anxious to be early,and at the other end of the scale, I call us 'timebenders'. A 'timebender' doesn't like routine. We don't like tasks that are familiar, we get bored pretty easily. We can focus really well when we are interested in something, and if time is tight we can work really effectively. If you wanted to walk into an office and pick the 'timebenders', they are the ones with the messy desks, because they don't finish one thing before starting another.

01:19 OK. I'm not going to lie, that does sound a lot like me. And quite a lot of this seems to be baked into our personality. So are there particular personality traits that might be leading us to be more regularly late?

01:31 When it comes to lateness, one of the major personality traits is conscientiousness. Now, conscientiousness is one of the Big Five personality traits, along with things like agreeableness and extraversion, so it's really important. You can measure it by asking people questions about

• how tidy they are
• how organised they are.

One of the questions does concern whether they are punctual. You know, all of these things about whether you are a kind of very ordered person.

01:55 OK. So perhaps I'm just not a very conscientious person but I can't help but feel maybe there's more going on in my head-with the way I'm able to keep track of time kuidas mina aega nö tajun. Grace Pacie believes those of us who are 'timebenders' experience time in a different way to others teistest erinevalt.

02:10 We have a different perception of time to most people enamuses inimestest erinev ajataju. Every minute isn't the same length for us. Time can speed up and slow down. We get deeply engrossed in something and not be aware of time at all. On the other hand, if we have a deadline, we can work really effectively.

02:29 Interestingly, a 2016 study by Washington University psychologists found something similar. They looked into uurisid our ability to mentally measure time, which they described as our Time-Based Prospective Memory. In an experiment, the subjects eksperimendis osalejad had a set time to complete the task and even had a clock they were allowed to check. However, the tasks were designed to be engrossing, to distract people from clock watching. Their results were clear: Some people were naturally better at estimating the passing time and using those memories to effectively plan in the future.

03:00 What frustrates me, though, is that Aga see, mis mind eriti häirib, on asjaolu, et I am not late for everything. I never miss planes. I'm pretty good with trains, but getting my daughter to nursery on time each day or turning up on time for social gatherings is always a struggle.

03:12 One of the most revealing things that came out of my research was that we're not late for everything. We can be on time when it matters. And what that means to us is that there are consequences for out being late me ei jää hiljaks siis, kui hilinemine võib põhjustada mulle ebamugavusi. The times when we slip into our worst 'timebending', are when there are no firm deadlines and no consequences. And that tends to be see kipub nii olema for social events vähem-ametlike kogunemiste (pidude jne) puhul.

03:43 So when we say I can be on time when it matters, we can be very hurtful to the people in our lives who matter. Because they are ones that see us always being late. I think it's really helpful to recognise the power of deadlines and how important it is that they are real, external avalikustatud and have consequences tähtajast mitte kinni pidamisel on teatud tagajärjed. Just asking for a deadline or even suggesting pakun välja a deadline puts it out there in the real world tähendab, et on võetud (nö avalikuks tehtud) kohustus, and therefore we can take it seriously.

04:08 We cannot pluck a deadline from the air and work to it ja asuda selle järgi tööle. It has to have consequences.

04:15 As it's our friends who often feel the full force of our lateness, most friendship groups usually have that person who is being 'the late one'. If yours doesn't, then it's probably you. However, these social expectations can make the problem worse.

04:35 One problem with people who might be known for being late is that they just assume arvavad, eeldavad that's something that's so much part of their genes and their make-up loomus that they don't even try to kind of correct the behaviour. So it's really in this way that sellisel viisil see juhtubki, et our kind of beliefs about ourselves meie nö enesekohased uskumused can become a self-fulfilling prophesy isetäituv ennustus and that can actually be quite self-sabotaging when with a bit of effort kui vaid pisut vaeva näha we might be able to change.

04:58 And it's that idea that we can choose to change our personality, that our personality traits iseloomuomadused aren't set in stone kivisse raiutud, destined saatuse poolt määratud from birth, but rather can be malleable, that's one of the most exciting recent developments in psychology. For example, some studies have shown that I could train myself to be more conscientious.

05:16 These studies have tended to last--you know--[from] a few weeks to a few months. They try to get the participants to just do things like püüavad panna osalejaid tegema selliseid asju nagu

• to form a detailed schedule for each day
• to--kind of you know--set aside a time eraldi jätma/võtma aega selleks, et to organise
• their desk, if that's messy
• their room, if that's messy

You know, all of these things that we know that people with natural high trait conscientiousness hästi välja arenenud kohusetundega do, and they might lack. And what happens is that just by practicing those things and being a bit more conscious about when you do them.

• It just forms these kinds of mental habits.
• It just helps to retrain the brain a little bit.

05:49 So, being a 'timebender' is, to some degree, part of our personality. And some of us might be better at mentally keeping track of time than others. However, that doesn't mean that we have to accept peame leppima sellega, et that we will forever be 'the late one'. By setting ourselves seades/pannes endale meaningful deadlines mõistlikud tähtajad with consequences ühtlasi teades, et tähtaega ei või ületada (või muidu ...), and by retraining certain behaviours, we can alter our personality and hopefully improve our punctuality.

06:15 Oh, damn, sorry, I've got to ...

Please click on the brownish box above to download the script 'Is there a downside to empathy?' for 28 March

SCRIPT for 28 March 'Is there a downside to empathy?'

00:00 Have you ever been watching a film where the hero you follow is in some form of danger? Have you noticed how tense you felt? Your heart starts to race. You may even begin to hold your breath. Well this is because you are feeling empathy. But what exactly is empathy? And how is it even possible to feel what someone else is experiencing?

00:26 Empathy is the ability to share feelings with others. So, you are like resonating with the feelings another [person] has. It can be pain, so you share the pain of another if someone is suffering. But it can also be joy. You also have empathic joy, so there you share the joy of someone else.

00:45 So let me think about empathy and what happens in our brain. It's probably firstly important to say that empathy is not really in one place of our brain. You know different brain regions are involved to a greater or lesser degree depending on whether sõltuvalt sellest, kas

• we are sharing the person's experience or
• are thinking about the experience, or maybe--you know-
• the wider related behaviours about deciding whether to help or how to engage kuidas edasi tegutsen.

01:06 Now, brain imaging studies have shown that-you know-we use similar parts of our brain both when we experience a certain state. But also when we see somebody else experiencing that type of state seisund.

01:17 So, let's say when we see somebody in pain, we tend to-you know-recruit similar parts of our brain as we actually experience the pain ourselves. Now, we call this vicarious kaasa elamisest/tundmisest tulenev brain activity.

01:30 Most people think of empathy as a force for good. After all, it can motivate us to help and care for others. Are there any downsides to feeling someone else's pain kas teise valu endast läbi laskmine võib ka kuidagi halb olla?

01:39 There's also a strong tendency in empathy to feel for one's own group. There's a lot of in group-out group bias grupikuuluvuse põhjal kellegi eelistamist connected with empathy on many levels. This can be an immediate lähedane friend of a group of friends where people just ... react much more strongly to the emotions of group members in comparison with the members of another group. And we also know that this scales up eskaleerub. It scales up for/to groups that have a different ethnicity /from/to/ ours kes pole meiega samast rahvusest.

02:12 People in power often play with this idea of us and them. And it's not difficult to think of examples in history where lack of empathy levels in one group has led to extreme violence towards others. For example, colonialism, war, genocide, terrorism, or religious persecution tagakiusamine.

02:28 Side-taking nn poole valimine is one of those points where empathy misfires "laseb/põrutab mööda" (ei lase asju "õigesti" näha). And it's not that empathy fails. Empathy gets into it but it stays on one side of them. It gives people reasons to justify why their one side is the right one. People therefore feel justified in less empathy for the other side. And that's a big problem of course.

02:51 This idea can underpin certain social media campaigns to cancel people teatud sotsiaalmeedia kampaaniate, mis "kedagi mutta tambivad", taga võib olla just seesama mõtlemine. And can even fuel hatred õhutada vihavaenu and violence towards the other side.

03:00 So empathy in many cases of conflicts in the world can be more of a problem than part of the solution.

03:06 Empathy in itself is a very healthy response. So, we are literally sõna otseses mõttes sharing these emotions with another [person], in terms of activating similar network in our brain, which are also processing this emotion in /us ourselves/. This is like a mirroring mechanism. That's empathy in the brain. Now, how that can backfire anda tagasilöögi, oodatule vastupidise mõjuga olla is when empathy is moving or turning into what we call personal distress or empathic distress. But when this self and other distinction blurs minu ja teise inimese vaheline piir hägustub if you are not aware any more that this is not your emotion but the emotion of the other [person], it becomes your own and it can move into what we call empathic distress or personal distress. And it's only when you get into this personal distress that it can become in that sense dangerous if you have /a lot of it/. So in care professions hoolduserialade töötajate puhul or health care professions tervishoiutöötajate puhul if you're confronted with kui puutud kokku suffering every day, strong suffering and if you have not learnt how to regulate empathy so that it doesn't go into this empathic distress, it can backfire võib see anda nö tagasilöögi.

04:14 In some extreme cases, empathy fatigue can be incapacitating liigsest kaastundlikkusest tekkiv emotsionaalne väsimus võib sind muuta tegevusvõimetuks/jõuetuks. And can become a barrier to action.

04:20 Empathy is also social glue. It's also putting us social human beings together. That when it goes into empathic distress it is in danger of us burning out or like feeling too much distress, too much stress in the long run it can you know turn to burnout.

04:40 Some people might--you know--just become potentially desensitized muutuvad täiesti tundetuks/ükskõikseks, and might just want to step away from everything.

04:43 So, where does that lead us? Should we actively discourage empathy kas peaks hakkama soovitama inimestele, et ärge tundke empaatiat?

04:48 We can transform this healthy empathic response in[to] compassion. And compassion is a totally different response to suffering. It is more like a feeling of warmth and love and concern than it is ... in a system we call care system--a biological affiliation lähedus- ja kuuluvustunde and care system. So, it comes with a protective nature see on oma olemuselt inimest hoidev/kaitsev.

05:11 So, you can say you never burn out of too much love, right? If you love someone and you care for someone, you can't burn out. It's a positive, resilient raskustega toimetuleku võimet (kerksust) suurendav feeling and so you can learn how to move from this natural first empathic response of sharing the suffering of the other [person] into compassion where you have

• more [of] this concern,
• and especially a strong motivation to want to benefit the other teha midagi kellegi teise heaks.

05:38 The welfare heaolu of the other person is in your focus. It's not about you. Emphatic distress response is all about me. How can I get out? How can I feel better? How can I save myself? So you might even be nasty to the others. You know like: Keep away with your stress! Keep away with your suffering! Iike this is the response which comes out of this distress.

06:00 But in compassion you're like all about the other mõtled eelkõige teise inimese peale, right? It's how can I help you? How can I benefit you? What can I do so that /you're/can be/ happy again? That you don't/won't suffer any more, right?

06:15 But-is it possible to foster arendada greater compassion in people?

06:17 If you are confronted with suffering kui puutud kokku kannatamise/kannatustega, you have this pain matrix lighting up. But when you go in compassion, you [will] have totally different networks in the brain lighting up, which are the networks of affiliation, care and love.

06:28 And what we showed in the mental training studies, is that you can specifically use certain mental training practices to foster this care affiliated with compassion hoolimise ja  kaastundlikkuse network. And you can strengthen it, you can increase compassion, and the even the hardware of your brain like structural brain plasticity plastilisus. So, you can actually help health care providers and people who have to work a lot with the suffering of others every day. To actually build up their resilience paraneb nende võime raskustega toime tulla and become more healthy.