TED Talk English Club 2023: Vol 2 on 9 & 16 Feb

Welcome to TED Talk English Club season 2--of spring 2023--active each Thursday at 3-6 p.m. in 26 Jan through 27 April 2023:)

You're welcome to click on the brown box below to read or download the                               SUMMARY of 16 Feb on 'Lemon tree'. 

You're welcome to click on the brown box below to read or download the SUMMARY of 9 Feb on 'overparenting'.

CLUB Meeting  on 16 Feb 2023 = Meeting 2 of Vol 2

TOPIC for 9 Feb 2023: Could we do without over-parenting, please! Kas saaks, palun, ilma ülehoolitsemiseta?

VIDEO (14 min, TED Talk) for 9 Feb: click 'Successful kids without over-parenting' 

TOPIC for 16 Feb: How to make sense of the SONG 'Lemon tree' or click here (3 min, by Fools Garden)

WORDS of the video on Quizlet = click the link (click automatic join link to access Quizlet)  

SCRIPT of the video for 9 Feb: please scroll down to read it

LYRICS of the song for 16 Feb:  please scroll down to read them palun kerige allapoole siin lehel, et lugeda video  ja laulu teksti  

3 QUESTIONS to TALK about the SONG on 16 Feb : 

• QUESTION 1: Do you think grammar rules apply to the lyrics below? Kuidas tundub, kas selle laulu sõnad on grammatiliselt n-ö "õiged"?
  
• QUESTION 2: Do you think it all makes sense to you? Can you spot any so-called metaphors? Kas tundub, et kõik on täiesti arusaadav? Millised n-ö kujundeid ehk metafoore on kasutatud? 
• QUESTION 3: How do you think, if at all,  the song is linked to the video? Kas leidub mingi seose seekordse laulu ja video vahel?

3 QUESTIONS to TALK about on 9 Feb :

• 9 Feb Question 1: Has your style of parenting changed over time? Kas oled lapsevanemana aja jooksul muutunud?
• 9 Feb Question 2: Can you pick some highlights from the video?  Mida tooksid eraldi välja sellest videost? 
• 9 Feb Question 3: In terms of language (learning) and public speaking skills--how is the Talk? Keele (õppimise) ja avaliku esinemise seisukohalt--mida ütleksid selle TED-video kohta?
  

SONG (3.13 min) for 16 Feb 2023

LYRICS of Lemon tree (by Fools Garden), click for more info

• Please click to LISTEN to it (also available at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VaExN-H5vCc)

QUESTION 1: Do you think grammar rules apply to the lyrics below? Kuidas tundub, kas selle laulu sõnad on grammatiliselt n-ö "õiged"?

QUESTION 2: Does it all make sense to you? Kas kõik on täiesti arusaadav? Which so-called metaphors can you spot? Mida arvata kasutatud kujunditest ehk nn metafooridest?

QUESTION 3: How do you think the song is linked to the video on 'overparenting'? Leiad mingi seose seekordse laulu ja 'raske-on-olla-lapsevanem-video' vahel?

I'm sitting here in a boring room
It's just another rainy Sunday afternoon
I'm wasting my time I got nothing to do
I'm hanging around I'm waiting for you
But nothing ever happens
And I wonder

I'm driving around in my car
I'm driving too fast, I'm driving too far
I'd like to change my point of view
I feel so lonely, I'm waiting for you
But nothing ever happens
And I wonder

I wonder how, I wonder why
Yesterday you told me 'bout the
Blue, blue sky
And all that I can see
Is just a yellow lemon tree
I'm turning my head up and down
I'm turning, turning, turning, turning
Turning around
And all that I can see
Is just another lemon tree

Sing dah
Dah-dah-dah-dam, dee-dab-dah
Dah-dah-dah-dam, dee-dab-dah
Dab-deedly dah

I'm sitting here, I miss the power
I'd like to go out, taking a shower
But there's a heavy cloud inside my head
I feel so tired, put myself into bed
Well, nothing ever happens
And I wonder

Isolation is not good for me
Isolation, I don't want to
Sit on a lemon tree
I'm steppin' around in a desert of joy
Maybe anyhow I'll get another toy
And everything will happen
And you wonder

I wonder how, I wonder why
Yesterday you told me 'bout the
Blue, blue sky
And all that I can see
Is just another yellow lemon tree
I'm turning my head up and down
I'm turning, turning, turning, turning
Turning around
And all that I can see
Is just a yellow lemon tree
And I wonder, wonder

I wonder how, I wonder why
Yesterday you told me 'bout the
Blue, blue sky
And all that I can see
And all that I can see
And all that I can see
Is just a yellow lemon tree

SCRIPT for 9 Feb 2023:

00:00 You know, I didn't set out to be Ma ei kavatsenud saada a parenting expert. In fact, I'm not very interested in parenting, per Se ei ole huvitatud lapsevanemaks olemise teemast kui sellisest (teemast iseenesest). It's just that there's a certain style of parenting these days that is kind of messing up kids, impeding takistades their chances to develop into themselves. There's a certain style of parenting these days viimasel ajal that's getting in the way takistab, on takistuseks.

00:24 I guess what I'm saying is, we spend a lot of time being very concerned about parents oleme mures nende vanemate pärast who aren't involved enough ei osale piisavalt in the lives of their kids and their education or their upbringing kasvatus, and rightly so. But at the other end of the spectrum, there's a lot of harm going on there as well, where parents feel a kid can't be successful unless ilma et the parent is protecting and preventing at every turn iga "nurga peal" and hovering over "lendab" lapse kohal (= helicopter parent) every happening mistahes ürituse/sündmuse juures, and micromanaging juhib detailselt every moment, and steering juhtides their kid towards some small subset väike hulk/ring of colleges and careers teatud (neid, mis "kõlbavad", on väga vähe) ülikoolide ja karjäärivalikute suunas.

00:58 When we raise kids this way, and I'll say we, because Lord knows, in raising my two teenagers, I've had these tendencies myself, our kids end up leading lõpeb asi sellega, et a kind of checklisted n-ö ette antud nimekirja järgi korraldatud childhood.

01:13 And here's what the checklisted childhood looks like. We keep them safe and sound elus ja terve and fed and watered, and then we want to be sure they go to the right schools, that they're in the right classes at the right schools, and that they get the right grades in the right classes in the right schools. But not just the grades, the scores punktisummad, and not just the grades and scores, but the accolades tunnustused and the awards autasud and the sports, the activities, the leadership. We tell our kids, don't just join a club, start a club, because colleges want to see that. And check the box for community service pane linnuke sinna, kus küsitakse, kas teed midagi ühiskondlikult kasulikku. I mean, show the colleges you care about others oled teistest hooliv inimene. 01:46 (Laughter)

01:48 And all of this is done to some hoped-for degree of perfection teatud täiuslikkuse tasemel. We expect our kids to perform at a level of perfection we were never asked to perform at ourselves, and so because so much is required, we think, well then, of course we parents have to argue with every teacher and principal koolidirektor and coach and referee kohtunik and act like our kid's concierge hotelli infovahendaja-teenindaja nt Prantsusmaal and personal handler and secretary.

02:15 And then with our kids, our precious kids, we spend so much time nudging müksides (neid õiges suunas), cajoling keelitades, hinting, helping, haggling "kaubeldes", nagging näägutades as the case may be olenevalt sellest, millega parasjagu tegu, to be sure they're not screwing up püüdes teha kõik (meist oleneva), et nad (jumala pärast) midagi kihva ei keeraks, not closing doors et nad ei "sulgeks enda jaoks mingeid uksi", not ruining their future ega rikuks (niimoodi) ära oma (helget) tulevikku, some hoped-for admission milleks on see, et neid loodetavasti võetakse vastu to a tiny handful of colleges that deny almost every applicant ühesse neist käputäiest ülikoolidest, mis (teadaolevalt) ütlevad ära peaaegu kõigile.

02:42 And here's what it feels like to be a kid in this checklisted childhood Mis tunne on lapsel, kes kogeb sellist "eeskujulikku lapsepõlve". First of all, there's no time for free play. There's no room in the afternoons, because everything has to be enriching, we think. It's as if every piece of homework, every quiz, every activity is a make-or-break moment pöördelise tähtsusega for this future we have in mind for them, and we absolve them of vabastame nad majapidamistöödest helping out around the house, and we even absolve them of getting enough sleep lubame neil isegi magada vähem kui vaja as long as peaasi, et they're checking off the items on their checklist teevad midagi, mille järel saab järjekordne 'linnuke kirja'. And in the checklisted childhood, we say we just want them to be happy, but when they come home from school, what we ask about all too often pole harvad need juhud, kui first is their homework and their grades. And they see in our faces that our approval, that our love, that their very worth nende väärtus, comes from A's tuleneb saadud kõrgetest hinnetest. And then we walk alongside them and offer clucking praise 'kaagutame' rahulolevalt oma kiidukõne ette like a trainer at the Westminster Dog Show -- 03:42 (Laughter)

03:43 coaxing meelitades them to just jump a little higher and soar "lendama" a little farther pisut veelgi kaugemale, day after day after day. And when they get to high school keskkooli, they don't say, "Well, what might I be interested in studying or doing as an activity?" They go to counselors and they say, "What do I need to do to get into the right college?" And then, when the grades start to roll in hinded hakkavad tulema in high school, and they're getting some B's, or God forbid hoidku Jumal some C's, they frantically palavikuliselt text their friends and say, "Has anyone ever gotten into the right college with these grades?"

04:17 And our kids, regardless of sõltumata sellest  where they end up at the end of high school, they're breathless toss on väljas. They're brittle rabe, habras. They're a little burned out. They're a little old before their time, wishing the grown-ups in their lives had said soovides, et täiskasvanud nende ümber ütleksid, "What you've done is enough, this effort you've put forth sinu tehtud pingutused in childhood is enough." And they're withering närbuvad, kuhtuvad now under high rates of anxiety and depression and some of them are wondering, will this life ever turn out to have been worth it kas kunagi tuleb üldse aeg, mil selgub, et sellest (pingutamisest) oli kasu?

04:49 Well, we parents, we parents are pretty sure it's all worth it. We seem to behave -- it's like we literally think they will have no future if they don't get into one of these tiny set of colleges or careers we have in mind for them mida meie silmas peame (ja nende jaoks välja oleme valinud).

05:05 Or maybe, maybe, we're just afraid they won't have a future we can brag about saame uhkeldada to our friends and with stickers on the backs of our cars. Yeah. 05:18 (Applause)

05:24 But if you look at what we've done, if you have the courage to really look at it, you'll see that not only do our kids think their worth comes from grades and scores punktisummadest, but that when we live right up inside their precious developing minds all the time kui me kogu aeg elame justkui nende peades (nende arengujärgus olevas ajus, st otsustame asju nende eest ära), like our very own version of the movie "Being John Malkovich," we send our children the message: "Hey kid, I don't think you can actually achieve any of this without me." And so with our overhelp, our overprotection and overdirection and hand-holding, we deprive our kids of jätame oma lapsed ilma the chance to build self-efficacy nn enesetõhusus, vrd enesekindlus (~ self-confidence = a person's belief in their ability to complete a task or achieve a goal), which is a really fundamental tenet toimimise aluspõhimõte of the human psyche, far more important than that self-esteem enesehinnang they get every time we applaud. Self-efficacy is built when one sees that one's own actions lead to outcomes, not -- There you go no näete nüüd. 06:17 (Applause)

06:21 Not one's parents' actions on one's behalf minu nimel/asemel, but when one's own actions lead to outcomes. So simply put, if our children are to kui tahame, et meie lapsed develop self-efficacy, and they must ja seda nad peavad (endas arendama), then they have to do a whole lot more of the thinking, planning, deciding, doing, hoping, coping, trial and error katsetavad ja eksivad (kasutavad nn katse-eksitusmeetodit), dreaming and experiencing of life for themselves.

06:49 Now, am I saying every kid is hard-working and motivated and doesn't need a parent's involvement or interest in their lives, and we should just back off and let go taanduma ja laskma neist lahti? Hell no kurat võtaks, ei. 07:01 (Laughter)

07:02 That is not what I'm saying Mitte seda ei taha ma öelda. What I'm saying is, when we treat grades and scores and accolades and awards as the purpose of childhood, all in furtherance edenemine of some hoped-for admission to a tiny number of colleges or entrance to a small number of careers, that that's too narrow a definition of success for our kids. And even though we might help them achieve some short-term wins by overhelping -- like they get a better grade if we help them do their homework, they might end up with a longer childhood résumé when we help -- what I'm saying is that all of this comes at a long-term cost pikaajalisemate eesmärkide arvelt to their sense of self st kannatab nende minapilt, identiteet, enesetunnetus. What I'm saying is, we should be less concerned with tegelema the specific set of colleges they might be able to apply to or might get into and far more concerned rohkem olema mures that they have et kas neil ikka on the habits, the mindset see (teatud vajalik) eluhoiak, the skill set, the wellness terviseseisund, to be successful wherever they go. What I'm saying is, our kids need us to be a little less obsessed with grades and scores and a whole lot more interested in childhood providing a foundation for their success built on things like love and chores majapidamistööd. 08:16 (Laughter) 08:18 (Applause)

08:23 Did I just say chores? Did I just say chores? I really did. But really, here's why ma räägin, miks (ma ütlesin 'majapidamistööd'). The longest longitudinal study of humans ever conducted is called the Harvard Grant Study. It found that professional success in life, which is what we want for our kids, that professional success in life comes from having done chores as a kid, and the earlier you started, the better, that a roll-up-your-sleeves- and-pitch-in löö kaasa mindset suhtumine/hoiak, a mindset that says, there's some unpleasant work, someone's got to do it "töö tahab tegemist", it might as well be me miks ka mitte ei võiks mina seda teha, a mindset that says, I will contribute my effort to the betterment of the whole, that that's what gets you ahead see aitab sul edasi jõuda in the workplace. Now, we all know this. You know this. 09:05 (Applause)

09:08 We all know this, and yet, in the checklisted childhood, we absolve our kids of doing the work of chores around the house majas, and then they end up as young adults in the workplace still waiting for a checklist, but it doesn't exist, and more importantly, lacking the impulse neil puudub algatusvõime, the instinct to roll up their sleeves and pitch in and look around and wonder, how can I be useful to my colleagues? How can I anticipate ette ära arvata a few steps ahead to what my boss might need?

09:36 A second very important finding from the Harvard Grant Study said that happiness in life comes from love, not love of work, love of humans: our spouse, our partner, our friends, our family. So childhood needs to teach our kids how to love, and they can't love others if they don't first love themselves, and they won't love themselves if we can't offer them unconditional love. 10:05 (Applause)

10:09 Right. And so, instead of being obsessed with grades and scores when our precious offspring meie kallis "võsuke" come home from school, or we come home from work, we need to close our technology, put away our phones, and look them in the eye and let them see the joy that fills our faces when we see our child for the first time in a few hours pole juba mitu tundi näinud. And then we have to say, "How was your day? What did you like about today?" And when your teenage daughter says, "Lunch," like mine did, and I want to hear about the math test, not lunch, you have to still take an interest in lunch. You gotta say, "What was great about lunch today?" They need to know they matter to us as humans, not because of their GPA (= grade point average tehtud eksamite punktisummade keskmine).

10:59 All right, so you're thinking, chores and love, that sounds all well and good, but give me a break jätke see (rumal) jutt. The colleges want to see top scores and grades and accolades and awards, and I'm going to tell you, sort of ja siis mina räägin teile siin midagi. The very biggest brand-name schools kõige tuntuma brändiga koolid are asking that of our young adults eeldavad seda kõike meie noortelt, but here's the good news. Contrary to what the college rankings racket edetabelite (justkui) organiseeritud kuritegevus would have us believe lasevad meil arvata/uskuda-- 11:26 (Applause)

11:32 you don't have to go to one of the biggest brand name schools to be happy and successful in life. Happy and successful people went to state school, went to a small college no one has heard of, went to community college, went to a college over here siinsamas asuv and flunked out kukkusid sealtki koolist välja. 11:46 (Applause)

11:53 The evidence is in this room, is in our communities, that this is the truth. And if we could widen our blinders kui vaatame natuke laiemalt, laiendame seda "heade asjade" ringi and be willing to look at a few more colleges, maybe remove our own egos from the equation võtame sellest võrrandist omaenda ego välja, we could accept and embrace tunnistada this truth and then realize, it is hardly the end of the world kindlasti pole see veel maailma lõpp if our kids don't go to one of those big brand-name schools. And more importantly, if their childhood has not been lived according to a tyrannical checklist then when they get to college, whichever one it is, well, they'll have gone there on their own volition omal vabal tahtel, fueled by their own desire, capable and ready to thrive hästi toime tulema there.

12:37 I have to admit something to you. I've got two kids I mentioned, Sawyer and Avery. They're teenagers. And once upon a time, I think I was treating my Sawyer and Avery like little bonsai trees -- 12:50 (Laughter)

12:53 that I was going to carefully clip and prune oksi harvendama, tagasi lõikama and shape into some perfect form of a human that might just be perfect enough to warrant them admission tagaks sissepääsu to one of the most highly selective colleges. But I've come to realize, after working with thousands of other people's kids --13:11 (Laughter)

13:14 and raising two kids of my own, my kids aren't bonsai trees. They're wildflowers of an unknown genus and species tundmatu (taime)perekond ja liik--13:27(Laughter)

13:29 and it's my job to provide a nourishing environment, to strengthen them through chores and to love them so they can love others and receive love and the college, the major (peamine) eriala, the career, that's up to them see on nende endi otsustada. My job is not to make them become what I would have them become kelleks mina tahan, et nad saavad, but to support them in becoming their glorious selves. 13:55 Thank you. 13:56 (Applause)

For more about 'Parenting styles' click here 

For a short 'Parenting Quiz' online click here  (NB! when it opens, you might want to scroll down a bit to see the Quiz:)